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~qtsushigirl

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all flight no fight

Thu Mar 26, 2009, 8:55 AM
  • Listening to: just missed the train - kelly clarkson
  • Reading: homework
  • Watching: youtube
  • Playing: oregon trail 2
  • Eating: peanut butter sandwich
  • Drinking: water
Thanks to everyone who supported me so much in my last journal where I stated how badly I wish I could go back and change my high school years. They made a lot of good points, and one made me remember a story when she stated "I don't care what others think of me".

I just typed out the whole story but then saw how long it was and decided to summarize:

One day in high school I felt wonderful and decided I didn't care what anyone thought of me and I even put my hair up in pony tails. I got to school and found some girl I wasn't even friends with was accusing me of some stupid think I shouldn't have even cared about.

I got up and pulled the ponies out of my hair as I walked to the bathroom where I bawled for an hour.

Ever since then, I've felt that no matter how much I TELL myself that I don't care what others think of me, deep inside I actually do care way more than I want to.

So thank you to everyone who gave me such good advice about not caring what others think about me but in my past experience I seriously think I'm hardwired to care whether I want to or not. I've tried before to stand my ground and tell the other person that it's not my fault they're angry at me and I just got my head bitten off.

While it's good that I rarely ever accuse anyone of of anything and I accept responsibility and punishments for my bad behavior, I know it's bad I accept blame that was never mine to begin with. That could be one of the reasons I have 5 gray hairs at the age of 22.

Don't get my wrong though, I would LOVE to grow a spine. But how do you stop being the person you've been all your life? It's not even a personality thing, it's a natural reaction that I feel is out of my control.

When people tell me I'm sweet I'm always tempted to laugh and tell them "Naw, I just have no fight response" (in regards to "fight or flight").

31 Comments

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:iconiijumisoukai:
~IijumiSoukai Mar 26, 2009, 10:43:56 AM
I think I have that same problem. Maybe I should get into a bunch of fights so I can toughen up.
:iconsatu-d-2:
~satu-d-2 Mar 26, 2009, 12:48:01 PM
Me too! We should make a club XD Honestly, the only place I can fight with people is on the internet (and even then only if they insult some deeply held belief I have >.>;). In real life I kinda just shrink and nod. Ah, good times ^^;

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:iconqtsushigirl:
~qtsushigirl Mar 26, 2009, 12:55:04 PM
Hehehe good to know I'm not alone! :heart:

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Celestial Violence
:iconqtsushigirl:
~qtsushigirl Mar 26, 2009, 12:56:03 PM
Hehehe I think getting into a bunch of fights just might have the opposite effect on us. XD Then again sometimes all it takes is to be pushed to your limit...

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Got art?

Celestial Violence
:iconcorvigryph:
=Corvigryph Mar 26, 2009, 1:06:02 PM
I kind of see how you feel as far as having a "flight" reflex. I sometimes fail to fight back too...

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:iconwaterdancer:
~waterdancer Mar 26, 2009, 2:16:23 PM
i think the saying "dont care what others think" is flawed. we all care what others think. its the basis for our society. instead, its more like how we respond to those. make it a goal to respond outside the box. instead of think "act more like..." think "act DIFFERENTLY" it doesnt matter how. even if it fails. itll be a learning experience. <3

ahahahaha and i missed the last journal so blargh. 8D goodluck! <3 :hug:

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im a part of unseen artists!
:iconqtsushigirl:
~qtsushigirl Mar 26, 2009, 3:11:57 PM
I think that is really good solid advice that I've been waiting my whole life to hear, and I agree completely. Thank you, that really lifted my spirits. :cuddle:

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Celestial Violence
:iconqtsushigirl:
~qtsushigirl Mar 26, 2009, 3:14:02 PM
Hehehe we're birds of a feather. :3

I strongly believe there's a place and time for everything, including the "fight" reflex (not that it means you need to punch someone's lights out).

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Got art?

Celestial Violence
:iconkieri:
=Kieri Mar 26, 2009, 3:48:23 PM
Your feelings may change as you age. Unfortunately trauma can have the same effect: the nonsensical, silly things people say matter less as you grow older. You start to see it as a problem with "them" rather than with you, and it's easier to let it go. I remember how emotional and easily hurt I was as a teen and it's not a phase I miss one bit. True, I'll always probably be a bit sensitive but I'm sweating the small stuff a lot less. Someday you will too. :hug:

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"Errant Exile" (Piccolo/OC) - In Progress
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