Some really sweet things happened this weekend when I went home for my little brother's mission farewell.

I took my youngest sister and grandma to the store early Friday morning but my ankle was swollen and hurting and so I promised to take my sister to another store later. Of course, she never forgets a promise and reminds me of it several times until I finally put my laptop away and take her and grandma to a store where I used to work. My old manager saw me there and said I still had a paycheck there from before I went to college and she gave it to me. Another manager also told me he really enjoyed having me as an employee and would love to hire me again when I get back from college in July.

I went home to get my other check so I could deposit them both and I found it in the pile of papers but something told me to keep looking so I did and found a letter addressed to "Master Toby". Apparently it was from my adopted little brother's biological grandma with photos and letters from his biological siblings (a boy who is just like him and 3 sisters, one close to my age named Becky who wants to go into medicine which I tried to go into before going into art). They were all very sweet and said things like "I'm glad you're with the family you're with. We miss you a lot and think of you every day. I hope to meet you some day." I thought that was amazingly sweet. We've had Toby since he was a few days old (he was abandoned in the hospital) and he's never met his biological family so it was wonderful to finally learn about them. Mom told me it meant the world to Toby to finally hear from them. He had been asking about them for a year.

I got to spend the whole weekend with my and it was so much fun to see how well she blended into my family, they just ate her up and loved being with her. It was a very busy weekend with all sorts of overwhelming factors and I was tired and stressed so it was nice to have her there with me.

My nephew was there over night so I got to spend some extra time with him. He didn't seem to remember me at first, but then I played with him a bit and he seemed to like me again. He was getting fussy so I gave him to my mom to feed him, and as he saw me walking away he screamed at the top of his lungs so my mom handed me him and his food and let me feed him. Faux watched me feed him yogurt (which consisted of him getting it all over his face and hands since he demanded to use the spoon himself) and just cringed at the mess. The little tyke was hilarious, very independent and demanding just like his dad (my big brother). He slept on my shoulder through most of church, I just loved it.

A few sad things happened as well though. I won't get into that though since I'm trying to not talk poorly of others so often, but I'll mention one since it's mostly about me: My 3 biological (oldest) siblings and I all went to the same junior high and high schools, and had a lot of similar teachers. I realized today that when I was that age I had severe depression and was socially delayed (like... not just shy, but I didn't know how to act in public). I looked at my big brother and little brother and sister tonight and saw how social, friendly, extroverted and lovable they all are. I asked them, "Does anyone ever make the connection that I'm your sister?" They said they can always tell that the other 3 are related, but no one ever could tell that I was related to them too.

As I sat here trying to settle down before going to sleep, I thought about how badly I wish I could show those who knew me as an emo teenager that I have grown and changed and now have all sorts of love and light in me, that I can be very similar to my beloved siblings, but I feel they'll only remember me as "that girl". It's not the label I hate, it's that I only showed them my sad and angry side when there's so much more of me that I want them all to know. I shed a few tears wishing I could go back and redo all those terrible years. I feel bad for all the people I bothered. Ben, Jon and Keli make others laugh non-stop. I made others feel awkward and uncomfortable.

As much as I'm glad I had that experience and all it taught me, I wish I was a little better at slapping on a smile every morning. I've never been one to hide my feelings though, hahaha. I wear my heart on my sleeve (not my thoughts... not that I have any to begin with).

Tomorrow I tell my little brother and best friend goodbye for the next 2 years. Wish me luck, I've always hated goodbyes with a passion because people are my favorite things in life that make it exciting, wonderful and worth living.